I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
