they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
