Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
