I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You brought string cheese to the strip club
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
