So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
