I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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