part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
