i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just forgot I was standing up.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
