I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It's just like the Real World with babies
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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