Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
