Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
