his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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