some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
