How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
