I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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