Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
