We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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