so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
