I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
