So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
