Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
