My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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