Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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