we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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