He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
