if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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