Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My vagina is officially offended.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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