Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
