Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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