I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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