if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
