it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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