so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
