So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
