she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
