I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
