): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
