I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
