I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
