Nicole vs. Life
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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