Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
