i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
