Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
