they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
