So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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