On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
