Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
God I need to hump something, right now.
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