It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
