I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
