Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
