please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
