i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
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