I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
