I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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