In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
